Whispers of Vanity

Drunk on tears of steaming blood

Sunken deep under the mask of love

Carried by the winds of lust
Secretly whispered in a voice so soft

A wish of night, a wish into the night 

has left my lips shivering with delight

and asked the moon and her stars 

to let me dwell in your arms

With a dream of a kiss worth dying for

Stuck in a shitty place I abhor 

Flesh reeking poignantly from

Filthy fuckery frozen in fumes of home

Hush, little baby, don't you cry 

The world around you is a lie

And I dream of poison carved in souls

Soaked with dripping crimson thorns

Tangled in some winding spheres 

Of never-ending numb nothingness there's

A wish of night, a wish into the night

Which flies away on wings of light

Begging for the sun to never rise

Eagerly awaiting for deathly demise

Hush, little baby, don't you cry

One day you'll fly freely in the sky

Blades of pestilence and pain

Embellished with haughty disdain

Cut through frail crystal tears

Deepen every scar feeding on fears

Away from the cryptic claws of truth
Relishing the pulp of sordid fruit
Bathing in the ocean of vanity
My reaper whispers with serenity

Hush, little baby, don't you cry 

Think of the day you'll be mine 

A wish of night, a wish into the night 
has left my lips shaking with delight
and asked the moon and her stars 
to let me be consumed in your arms

Kalmah

You, pathetic little one
Hiding in your murky lair
Lost in your thoughts, so gone
With the loneliness eating away your air

Away from the whole world
Isolated in the growing dark
In a drunken haze, shivering with cold
Your hollow eyes have lost their spark

Surrounded by your four stone walls

Nothingness dwells from within

Forcing your sanity to slip
Slowly away in the screaming wind

You, pathetic little one
Stubborn child with empty eyes
In your sunproof cave, so gone
Watch how everything around you dies

With all those secrets locked inside you
You're forgotten in oblivion
No one cares about your pain anymore
You're fading among many a thorn

Voices coming from your depth
Rape your soul and move away
Your wretched old friend,
They say, has perished today

Your raven burnt to dust
Now you're all alone in that lair
There's no one whom to talk to
That deep ominous silence everywhere

You, pathetic little one
A geek hiding from the rays of sun
You still persist in hanging on
Why don't you use that gun

Listen to those hoarse luring whispers
Of your mind and pull the damn trigger
You're living in a tomb anyway
Fuck yeah, be your own slayer

Letter nr. 17

My dearest hope,

Let me start by telling you I'm sorry.
I'm sorry it's been such a long time since you crossed my mind. With all this humdrum agitation going on around I've completely forgotten about you.
I'm sorry I thought I could live without you. It seems all my efforts are just teardrops in the ocean. I can't change how things work. It's been foolish of me to try to control my own fate. Let's be honest, who does that? It's already been written. Maybe by god, maybe by you, maybe by mister No One. It doesn't really matter. It's been written. It can't be altered. Really who am I to try? I can't even take my own decisions. How could I think I'm able to follow my own path?

I'm truly sorry I've been rejecting all your kind offers of compassion and love. I realize it now how much I covet those things, how much I need you, how much brighter my life would be with you.

I hope. There you go, I said it. I hope... I hope you can find a way to forgive me for my blissful ignorance. I hope you can close your eyes to my rebellious acts and we could be best friends as we were supposed to. I'm asking you to come back to me. Let me dwell in your arms, let your sweet whispers of vanity caress my ears. Take away this tremendous amount of reality, I don't really want it anymore, I don't need it anymore, hell, I don't care about it anymore. Let me dream instead. Dream of the ocean's faint breeze on my face, of its sand tickling my bare feet, dream of warmth and pleasure, of tender touches of fingertips, of a kiss worth dying for. Only you can make me smile again by filling my head with images of a perfect tomorrow. Only you can soothe my insatiable desires. I know, maybe I'm asking you too much, but let me never see the sun again, let me slumber in eternity with you.

                                                                                                                  yours 'til the end Akasha

Dream

of a world where shadows dance under the fluttering leaves of willows, where the slight breeze of the night hushes every echo, where the moon smiles in the limpid waters of the river, where it rains with tears of love, where the scent of the roses wishes you sweet dreams, where I can find you...you, you are in my eyes, you are under my skin, you are in my veins, you are in my thoughts, you are everywhere in me. You are calling me and I let myself carried away by your whispers, and I crave to stay in this trance. Always sounds so nice now. Forever yours. Eternity is awaiting and it's ours. I reach out for your hands and I sway towards you. That look... your eyes filled with fire. The universe revolving frenziedly around us. It's perfect. The electrifying warmth of your body runs through me as your fingertips touch mine. Then they lock firmly, tightly, pulling us closer to each other. Skin on skin, your breath on my lips, a moment of utter silence... Just for one moment I was purely happy. But then the air came more forcefully, more abusively into my lungs. And I wake up to see some agitated, stranger faces hustling around me. I try to close my eyes again, but you... You're gone. And I find myself peering into the empty darkness, listening to the roar of the waves breaking bellow my feet. My mind is stuck on this same pattern endlessly repeating itself; it's so addictive, so tranquil...and there's this dream of a world, where...

The Anthropomorphic Cabinet

empty, used up, trashed but still longing to fit in, coveting a 'normal' life...

a distant dream of being as human as the rest of the world...

once we were called... nothing

There was a time when we used to hang out without any reason... we would throw the ball at each other and laugh, we would spy on people, we would build snow castles, we would stare at the stars by the campfire, we would tell each other anything and everything. Do you still remember all that? Now, now I just wonder when, if ever, comes that moment I fake my last smile around you. 
When has it gone so wrong? What happened with ‘no secrets’? What happened with ‘I’ll never let you go’? I guess our past, our heritage has caught up on us. Simple became complicated. Overnight it seems. We can't even tell the difference between love and hate. There is none anymore, I guess. The line between them is so frail, that it's barely even called a line. It's been warped by confusion and defiance. And by that other thing - selfishness. Maybe we've just grown up, grown into this world of self care. Or is it self destruction? 
And we're here smiling and being conventional, trying to hide, to control. We talk about petty things, we make courtesy calls, we keep in touch just in case... I start wondering in case of what? We both know deep inside it won't ever be as it used to be. It's too late for that now. When I look into your eyes I still feel that kiss, you know. It's like you're a dream. I feel I'm living in a dream. I don't even see you as you are now. I'm seeing you as you were then. It feels so real that sometimes I almost forget that you're different now, that we're different now. That kiss... that kiss was something. It triggered a look of sheer bliss in your eyes. It was a moment of ardent pleasure, a grasp of what eternity feels like. You were in me, and I was in you.
But now we're here smiling at each other like nothing has ever happened. It's a you-can't-touch-me, you-don't-know-me, you-can't-hurt-me smile. We're nothing but two puppets - cold, lifeless, careless. We're nothing but two strangers inured to the own self, feeding on each other's suffering. We're nothing...
And yet again we're here smiling and telling lies to each other, too afraid to open up again. We're building our impenetrable walls around us, which become thicker and thicker with every day that goes by. We're perfectly safe now from each other and from everything else...we're perfectly isolated in our shells...perfectly alone...

All Yours

the breath of quivering lips all over your skin

whispers of a trembling voice that purge sin

all yours

the gaze of glistening eyes deep into your soul

the warmth of a soft touch on the wings of amour

all yours

the tenderness of caressing hands that vanquish your pain

the enthusiasm of a racing heart driven insane

all yours

a rash of overwhelming desire

lost in scorching fire

all yours

just come in my dreams tonight

let’s drift on dark light

away from all blight

just cum in my dreams tonight

Eclipse

wonder what’s like to hold on

to a scent of a touch long gone

what’s like to kiss a memory

of pure lust’s reverie

and then smile to the world

wonder what’s like to caress

a shadow’s rising chest

what’s like to long for a breath

that once whispered death

and then smile to the world

as if it was from your core

smile when your dreams collapse

and you fall into loneliness’ traps

smile when your soul is bleeding

tears over a forgotten sapphire ring

smile when there’s no light

at the end of the tunnel

just smile and it’ll be all right

no one has to know you suffer

smile, even if it means the eclipse

of your sane self, the apocalypse

of your once dear life

smile…

Hold Me

when the sky turns dark

and stalkers gaze from behind a hood

waiting for that moment

hold me

when my mind is someplace else

drifting like a rubber raft

in the middle of the ocean

hold me

when blood drips from my skin

and I’m mesmerized by how

life’s running out

hold me

when I scream in pain

and my body becomes a burden

too heavy to bear

hold me

when my ideals crumble

into thousands of pieces

in front of my very eyes

hold me

when love cries

dark red tears into my heart

choking the essence

hold me

when my patience reaches its end

and I give up on what used to be

my everything

hold me

when madness is my best friend

hold me

when there’s no one left

death please

hold me 

wish upon a star

There’s this place where whispers are shivering through lifeless creatures of this earth, where time stands still, peering into the gloom, where every moment reeks of that rotten meat scattered all over the ground.

She was pacing quietly, constantly feeling for a spot where she could put her feet without getting too messy. Her head was filled with memories that didn’t even seem to be hers. She kept searching among them for that specific one which could tell her how the hell she got there. But all she saw, all she remembered was this laughter, her laughter, hovering in the air while she was swinging on a truck tire hanging from a high branch of an oak tree. She remembered the leaves dancing in the soft breeze created by the swing, she remembered the acorns smiling at her from above, she remembered the deep blue sky behind those branches, and she remembered feeling happy. Then she jumped. She jumped into an ocean of baby blue eyes. She was floating on them flaring her nostrils for their perfume to enter her whole being. With her eyes closed she was lost in her feelings of elation. Then she remembered where she was in fact. She forced her eyes open, trying to make out something in that darkness, but all she sensed was that hideous smell raping her. Although every tiny bit of her screamed with revulsion, she kept pacing in hope to find something. Anything. There was nothing, just the desperate loneliness that followed her. Eventually she burst into tears. She felt that salty water streaming down her face, then cutting in her flesh. Excruciating pain ran through her whole being. There was so much of it. She started gasping for air. ‘Stop crying!’ She repeated those words over and over again. The effect was the desired one. She was so relieved finally breathing in that air of putrefaction. She started to feel home. There was more certainty in her pace now. She was alive. She must still be alive.

There’s this place that swings above the abyss of life, trapped in eternity. She looked up; there was a clear sky filled with stars…

Fall

shadows lurk in the dark

alleys of my tormented soul

memories of you shiver

fade alone in some deep hole

fall

fall for me

rape every inch of sanity

left in me

grab that sparkle of hope

to our eternal grave of love

forget what you are

thyself let go of

and

fall

fall for me

fall for me night

vanquish every trace of fantasy

left in me

faceless cowards lurk in the dark

alleys of my tormented past

memories of you shatter

erase them entirely at last

fall

fall for me

fall for me night

fall for me tonight

be the moment of eternity

left in me

hmmm? love, you were saying?

How can it be I hear you breathe when you’re years away? I still have things to do, a life to live. I’ve never asked you to come and yet here you are: lurking in the shadows, hiding under a hood, like some coward. Show me your faceless face; I’m not afraid to see you. I’m not afraid to see what you truly are. Just come out and tell me why you are here? Just to mess with my head? Again? You really think flashing your scythe scares me? Blades are like toys to me, remember? You taught me once how to play with them. Don’t pretend you forgot all about that. I wanted you then. I needed you then. But you chose to walk away from me. And now you’re back. The thing is… now is not a good time for me. I’m busy with that meaningless everyday routine of mine. And you know what? I happen to like it. So I’m asking you again: how can it be I feel you breathe towards me? Our time has not yet come. I know that and you know that. What are you doing here? Turn around, leave me be, I’ll do just the same…Let’s pretend I never sensed your presence, I never longed for your kiss, I never wanted to forget about everything and go with you. Let’s pretend you were never here. Maybe and just maybe we were never meant to be…

darkness

She lay on her bed trying to fall asleep. She closed her eyes several times, but always ended up opening them as she had the bizarre feeling that someone is watching her. All the shapes in her room were in perfect order and yet she was experiencing a high level of anxiety. Her breaths were deep and rare, her breasts visibly rising and falling. In an attempt to calm herself down she clasped her hands against her chest. This made her feel even worse – as if she was obstructing her lungs to deliver the oxygen through the rest of her body. A heat wave reached her brains. She was trying to concentrate so hard on something, anything in fact. The shooting stars that were visible through her window seemed particularly attractive, and any other time they would’ve totally captured her attention, but now she just couldn’t stop the numbness. Petrified, with her heart wanting to jump out of its place, tears running down her cheeks she was gazing into the darkness, shaking, she was continuously telling herself ‘this is ridiculous’. Her pupils widened to a maximum. She could feel the presence so close to her. She could feel its stinky breath in the air. She could feel its rage consuming every cell of her. And she just lay there helplessly waiting for it to appear. It never did.

She loathed this form of it with all her heart. It was dreadful and abusive. 

Who are you?

I could have said I am cancer

the worse influence you've ever had

a thing that eats up every living cell

a thing that makes you lose your head

I could have said I am darkness

infected with utter contempt

with nothing around but emptiness

something you’ll bitterly resent

I could have said I am nothing

a ridiculous infatuation of your fantasy

a floating ship that’s about to sink

captured by a moment of sheer ecstasy

I could have said I am taken

by an illusion of reality shattered

as I come closer to this godforsaken

place you call your home hazard

I could have said anything hollow

to push you from my side

Instead I just said I don’t know

I’m lost I’m terrified

I’m lost in the depth of your eyes

yielding insight to your soul

to that flickering flame that never dies

not to mention makes me whole

I’m lost in the abyss of your thoughts

among memories I’m drifting down

that inexhaustible river of words

embraced by your notion of love

I’m lost in the eternity of your dreams

I’ve been lingering on in your world

of deepest and darkest needs

reaching out for your hand to hold

I’m lost in the kindness of your heart

securely concealed behind bars

stripped naked for your works of art

craving to thump beneath the stars

I’m terrified by the very idea

that I wouldn’t want to be found

that your mysterious aura

would feel safe and sound

scream blue murder - forgive me father (i have sinned)

She looked down to the water breaking against the craggy cliffs, while the evening breeze drifted through her hair as if it was pushing her further towards the whispering ocean. Mesmerized by its calling with her eyes closed she took one more step to feel the voices closer. If only she could make out the words… They’ve been hunting her for a while now, always there, always tempting her, always driving her that particular spot. She just stood there on the edge wanting to touch the scorching heat of the water.

Out of the blue someone took her hand and pulled her back. ‘It’s time’ he said. The words were cutting through her brains, so clearly, so loudly, disturbing that soft rhythm of the murmur, forcing her back to reality. A feeling of anger took over her for a moment, but it subsided as soon as she realized he was right. She followed his lead silently to the stage.

Her colleagues were already entertaining the crowd with some riffs. The place was crammed and raucous. Every tiny bit of her wanted to turn the other way round and run. She was suffocating. Then she heard him greeting them, introducing their song, they’d spent so much time writing. On the spur of the moment she felt attraction towards him. His tousled long dark hair locks falling down his shoulders, his pitch black eyeliner highlighting the depth of his pupils, his dark lipstick on his lips, tinged with a shade of bloody red, trembling softly as he spoke, the shiny edges of his spiked collar, his glistening skin of his chest showing a little from underneath his laced shirt, his tight leather pants lured her closer. Captivated by his eyes burning with passion she took the microphone and started playing her part. The crisp air of the fan hitting her face, somewhat made her forget where she was. The crowd blurred in front of her eyes into the ocean waves. She breathed in its relieving quietness. All she could see or feel was the blazing ocean. Engulfed in flames coming from within, her heart was thumping, as a sense of elation ran through her veins filling her whole being. Their clamorous screams faded into a faint whisper of the deep water. A barely noticeable smile flashed on her lips. They were all dead. Now she could concentrate all her energy on him.