gone insane

it's been once, twice, three times, four 

and I can't, I can't take this anymore 

the heartbeats were thumping anxiously in my head

then there's the click, infernal silence, and finally the bang

the bullet went straight through my core

dispersing the flesh around it on the floor 

I hit the ground still breathing, still alive 

the smell of dirt forced its way inside 

and I was wheezing, choking on my blood

awaiting the end unbound 

I felt its moist warmth on my skin

then saw it blend into the earth under me

then the sirens were howling 

and the darkness was growing 

growing onto my soul 

and I was dead once more

it's been once, twice, three times, four 

and I can't, I can't take this anymore 

yet I woke up, brand as new

this time, this time too

just to start it all over 

back shot forgotten 

with new hopes, new lies, new promises 

of a love that never even existed 

it's been once, twice, three times,  four 

and I can't, I can't take this anymore 

awoken to be killed once again

it's insane 

stars

I'm neither here nor there

I wish I could be everywhere 

I wish I could fly

I wish I could die

I've lost track of time again

and again I see how worthless I am

I see vanity 

even in my own sanity 

there's nothing left to say

it's always the same day

every day

I'm  okay

I just...

I miss them nights

under the northern lights 

when I felt alive 

when the wolves were howling 

and the fire was burning 

burning away the emptiness 

as I enjoyed loneliness

I'm neither here nor there

I simply sit and stare

glare into the night 

until it turns to day - bright -

but my eyes - they see no light 

they only burn with spite

spite for love, spite for joy,

spite for the guise I wore

and there's nothing left to do

but to die and die anew 

I'm neither here nor there 

a redundant shell wasting the air

the craze is gone

and I'm all alone

I'm the residue of my life

playing with a knife 

three minutes if I'm strong enough 

an eternity if I'm not

and there's nothing left

I am bereft

of a soul 

I am the black hole

I'm neither here nor there

yet I wish I could care

about the stars on my sky 

as they fade away 

one by one

gone